I'm Slippin, I'm Fallin'.....

So, Friday the 13th was a jump off of minor catastrophes. Aside from having to deal with the RI bureaucracy that can work the late Mother Teresa solid, I had weakness like you wouldn't believe. Like a wino to drink and a crackhead to pipe, I fell for my addiction - and wicked hard. As most of you know, I am on this journey to rebuild the Temple of Lady Cheena. This is not an easy undertaking and so with it comes many challenges. But I found myself completely derailed this weekend, so much so that I don't know how to even explain what happened. So, if you are reading this, Jay, I humbly accept any and all punishments for my behavior this coming Tuesday.

Below, I kindly recount how I fell from grace and continue to hear the DMX song, "Slippin", on repeat mode in my head.

Fall from Grace #1: A 'Naughty' Breakfast
So there I was standing at the counter of the Tufts cafe waiting to put in my order. Everything is smelling like roses, or better yet, home fries and sausages. Steve, my breakfast man, is asking me what I would like. I step up and say, "Steve, I am feeling naughty today. Whip me up some egg whites, spinach, mushrooms, CHEESE and BACON!" I bolded the last two to stress I should not have had that in my damn omelet! Steve, ever the proficient cook, makes my meal to order and I bounce on my way. What could possibly go wrong on a sunny day like this?

An hour and a half later, I get a call from hubby telling me indeed something can go wrong on a sunny day like this. With paperwork in hand and some cussin' and carryin' on in the other, I rush back to RI to verify that I really am Mrs. Desir. After my lovely stay in the Social Security office, I took Mr. Desir to work. But, wait, let me rewind and discuss what happened in the drive. P decides that he is hungry. sounds fine with me because I am too. He keeps throwing out these restaurants people have suggested (buffets, mostly). I'm not too keen on those options, but hey! Realizing he doesn't have much time to dawdle, he decides to take me to this restaurant close to his job. Why not?

Fall from Grace #2: Give me all the Calamari
So, while at the restaurant, P and I decide to share a grilled chicken salad with balsamic vinegar on the side. Let me describe the dressing to you. It looked like pudding. I'm not kidding. Pudding! Yet, I used it. Munched up my salad like a pro and that should've been the end of it. Oh, but no! Did I neglect to tell you that I also put in an order of FRIED calamari with banana peppers and marinara sauce? Yep! Having gazed at the picture and witnessing a plate sail by me, I placed the order almost by rote. I'll have about 4 oz., no biggie. Folks, I hang my head in shame when I say I ate just over half of the damn plate. What happened? Why did I do that? Did I mention I also jacked a wing of P's plate? Ugh!

After that shameful fiasco, you'd think I'd decline doggy bagging the rest. Oh no, pack up those bad boys that was dinner tonight! And true that, I had calamari in my mouth at din-din.

Fall from Grace #3: What do you mean you ain't got Flatbread!?
Saturday morning, I was determined to right my wrongs. However, not really. I got my work out on by cleaning out our bedroom closet, tossing old clothes into a sack for the donation bin. Feeling a bit famished, I decided to take a break and get some cafe. I strolled over to the Tim Ho's up the block and ordered coffee... hot, EXTRA CREAM, butter caramel and no sugar. My usual nowadays was an iced, butter caramel, no sugar and extra skim milk. Why the other? 'Cause I felt like it!

Drove over to the DD (yeah, I know I left one coffee shop for another, no judging) to order a flatbread sandwich. The gal on the intercom kindly informed me that THIS DD did not have the flatbread but they did have plain egg whites, instead of the nasty veggie egg whites the other DD had. Sighing, I ask for the sandwich with ENGLISH MUFFIN and CHEESE. Get off me, there was no flatbread! And since I already fell, why not keep going?

Fall from Grace #4: Burned bad at Fire and Ice
As I sat in the Fire and Ice at Providence Place Mall, I wondered how I ever got here. Oh, yeah, P wanted to go there and I thought, should be safe. I make my own portions, I can avoid rice and pasta and bad things. Unlimited salad. What could possibly go awry? So, my first meal went on without a hitch. I had some broccoli, cabbage, mushrooms, and chicken (approx. 4-5 oz.), seasoned with some Thai red curry sauce. Did I mention that was my FIRST meal? Yep, that did not seem to stop me from going up on Round Two and picking up a 1lb slab of BURGER with mushrooms and Greenberg Teriyaki and, of course, SWISS freakin' CHEESE.

I had the sense to decline the bun, but yet none to decline the meal. I sat at the table and just mowed (rhymes with ow) that puppy until I could feel my discipline snap. P, in trying to be supported, said, "Honey, you didn't do that bad." Oh, God, that meant I was going to hell. I was even too ashamed to plug that into my Lose It! Sigh.

Fall from Grace #5: The Final Freakin' Straw! Put down the damn sandwich!!!!
Sunday had pretty much started like Saturday, with the exception that I was working myself crazy with the plan Jay had laid out for me, hoping to God that I was redeeming myself. P and I were heading to Boston to do some marketing for my father-in-law, when for breakfast I inhaled a FLATBREAD EGG WHITE AND CHEESE sandwich from DD and a Tim Ho's iced coffee (with skim milk this time). I seemed in control. Until later on in the night, when P made me a STEAK and CHEESE sandwich with a BUN. WTF!!!! I hoovered that puppy like a Death Row inmate.

For the love of God! Why was I on this tear? Who was working the gears back there? I sat on my couch post-food coitus and thought, "I got to stop this beast before it reeks havoc in the temple." I could feel the bread in my esophagus choking my dignity and filling me with shame. DMX kept playing in my head: "Ay-yo, I'm slippin', I’m fallin', I can't get up. Ay-yo, I'm slippin', I’m fallin', I can't get up. Ay-yo, I'm slippin', I’m fallin', I gots to get up. Get me back on my feet so I can tear sh** up!”

I hear you, X… Pray for, y’all!