Ok, so Demi finally gave Ashton das boot. C'mon, the Bastard was cheating on her with some lowly heifers repeatedly. I consider that Che's Golden Ground for Divorce, along with putting any type of hand on me. Now, all this other foolishness - (I said I wouldn't bring it up, but I done lost my mind today) Kim and Kris, Velvet Teddy Bear and his lady - "irreconcilable differences" and "complete incompatibility of temperament" is just ridiculous. I'm sorry, call me old school, but what the hell ever happened to working it out. People need to stop treating marriage like a dating game.
I had a moment to look up the legal terms of these two grounds for divorce and was appalled. Irreconcilable differences are defined by the courts as "differences between spouses that are considered sufficiently severe to make married life together more or less impossible." If that were true, then I would've snipped the Desir off my name years ago. What makes a marriage fun and frustrating is the differences you experience with your husband or wife or life partner (gays/lesbians you ain't absolved either). My take on it is this: if you knew he was this stubborn about leaving his dirty drawers in the hallway when you were dating, then why did you ever think that would ever change when you got married? And inversely, do you think he enjoys catching a glimpse of your discarded tampons in the bathroom trash? No, he don't. But that doesn't mean he or she doesn't love you an less. As long as you agree or have a mutual understanding on the important things (finances, disciplining the kids, retirement, etc.), you can totally hate each others guts over dishes in the sink and bras hanging off the fan blade.
Complete incompatibility of temperament is defined as “not [being] able to live in harmonious or agreeable combination. When there is conflict in the pattern of behavior and reaction it is said to be incompatibility of temperament. This is due to the different manner of thinking and behaving of a human being." Really? So, because I have a human reaction to P eating the last of my peanut butter Oreo's, the stress of it gives him the grounds to divorce me. Uh-huh. So, why couldn't he just let me be mad and then go buy me a new bag to make it right? Why couldn't I look on the bright side and think that was 70 calories less than I needed? Everyone has a temper and a mood. As long as it is not violent or emotionally/mentally damaging, then there is no reason two adults can't talk stuff through. Really talk stuff through.
Now, I know some of you out there are probably saying, but "Che, it's more than just that. We grew apart. We weren't talking. We were living separate lives. He/She just doesn't get me anymore." Who's fault is that? Look, P and I can go for an entire week not saying one word to each other, maybe a "Mornin'" or a "G'nite". But eventually, one of our dumbasses realizes this and says, "Hey, I have a wife. Where is my wife? What she doing?" and vice versa. And wait, people, a conversation ensues, maybe even a date. The great thing about a marriage is that you can still be an individual and do things that don't include your husband or wife (except cheating. Thank you, Jesse James). P is a hockey coach and is forever on the road doing tournaments or recruiting. I write and have my choir. But you know, despite my aversion to my husband's hobby (Che don't do cold, people), I actually get a kick out of hearing him relate stories of crazy parents and the politics of the game. On the flip side, on long car rides, P will ask me to whip out one of my blogs and read it and then we discuss it.
Kids, hate and discontentment comes with a loving marriage believe it or not. My parents will crack me up, because as many times I've heard them argue about something or other. I've seen them be loving to one another. Also, I've never seen them fight unfair. Now, some of you may have heard me give this advice, "Fight fair." I'll tell you what I mean. When you have a disagreement with your husband or partner or wife, don't start bringing out shit from the way back. If you're mad at him for not taking out the trash, don't bring up that time he was late picking you up from the train. One has absolutely nothing to do with other and only breeds resentment. Ladies, I hate to say it but we are notorious for this, not to say you brothers don't do the same. Just we take it to another level. Our marriage councilor (yes, we saw someone before we got hitched) said that if you fight, fight about the subject at hand and leave other issues out. And if it gets hot, walk away for 30 minutes, then comeback and resolve the issue. And if there's no resolution, then don't go running to the first divorce lawyer you see, table it for another time, until you can respectfully agree to disagree.
I can wholly admit that P and I have had outrageous, knock-out, drag-out fights (stuff that would destroy a Hollywood marriage in 72 hours), but I think what keeps us going is that we actually like each other, not just love, like. When you like someone, you actually care about making amends. It actually hurts you to see them upset. So many of these couples fly high on the love aspect of things that when they actually fall back down to earth and realize, "Oh, I don't really like you at all." Suddenly, it's over and he's walking out the door with your Robin Thicke CDs.
Look, young bucks, let me break this down to you simply: Marriage is tough. It's supposed to be. Sometimes it even sucks! Sometimes really sucks. But you can't keep treating it like a pair of last year's Jimmy Choo's. Unfashionable, therefore unwearable. The best shoe is the one you've worn in real good. Sure it's got smudges on it and a strange funky smell, but it's yours and it fits. So screw all this irreconcilable differences and complete incompatibility of temperament crap and actually talk to your partner. You might like them if you do.
Pray for me (and them), y'all!
I had a moment to look up the legal terms of these two grounds for divorce and was appalled. Irreconcilable differences are defined by the courts as "differences between spouses that are considered sufficiently severe to make married life together more or less impossible." If that were true, then I would've snipped the Desir off my name years ago. What makes a marriage fun and frustrating is the differences you experience with your husband or wife or life partner (gays/lesbians you ain't absolved either). My take on it is this: if you knew he was this stubborn about leaving his dirty drawers in the hallway when you were dating, then why did you ever think that would ever change when you got married? And inversely, do you think he enjoys catching a glimpse of your discarded tampons in the bathroom trash? No, he don't. But that doesn't mean he or she doesn't love you an less. As long as you agree or have a mutual understanding on the important things (finances, disciplining the kids, retirement, etc.), you can totally hate each others guts over dishes in the sink and bras hanging off the fan blade.
Complete incompatibility of temperament is defined as “not [being] able to live in harmonious or agreeable combination. When there is conflict in the pattern of behavior and reaction it is said to be incompatibility of temperament. This is due to the different manner of thinking and behaving of a human being." Really? So, because I have a human reaction to P eating the last of my peanut butter Oreo's, the stress of it gives him the grounds to divorce me. Uh-huh. So, why couldn't he just let me be mad and then go buy me a new bag to make it right? Why couldn't I look on the bright side and think that was 70 calories less than I needed? Everyone has a temper and a mood. As long as it is not violent or emotionally/mentally damaging, then there is no reason two adults can't talk stuff through. Really talk stuff through.
Now, I know some of you out there are probably saying, but "Che, it's more than just that. We grew apart. We weren't talking. We were living separate lives. He/She just doesn't get me anymore." Who's fault is that? Look, P and I can go for an entire week not saying one word to each other, maybe a "Mornin'" or a "G'nite". But eventually, one of our dumbasses realizes this and says, "Hey, I have a wife. Where is my wife? What she doing?" and vice versa. And wait, people, a conversation ensues, maybe even a date. The great thing about a marriage is that you can still be an individual and do things that don't include your husband or wife (except cheating. Thank you, Jesse James). P is a hockey coach and is forever on the road doing tournaments or recruiting. I write and have my choir. But you know, despite my aversion to my husband's hobby (Che don't do cold, people), I actually get a kick out of hearing him relate stories of crazy parents and the politics of the game. On the flip side, on long car rides, P will ask me to whip out one of my blogs and read it and then we discuss it.
Kids, hate and discontentment comes with a loving marriage believe it or not. My parents will crack me up, because as many times I've heard them argue about something or other. I've seen them be loving to one another. Also, I've never seen them fight unfair. Now, some of you may have heard me give this advice, "Fight fair." I'll tell you what I mean. When you have a disagreement with your husband or partner or wife, don't start bringing out shit from the way back. If you're mad at him for not taking out the trash, don't bring up that time he was late picking you up from the train. One has absolutely nothing to do with other and only breeds resentment. Ladies, I hate to say it but we are notorious for this, not to say you brothers don't do the same. Just we take it to another level. Our marriage councilor (yes, we saw someone before we got hitched) said that if you fight, fight about the subject at hand and leave other issues out. And if it gets hot, walk away for 30 minutes, then comeback and resolve the issue. And if there's no resolution, then don't go running to the first divorce lawyer you see, table it for another time, until you can respectfully agree to disagree.
I can wholly admit that P and I have had outrageous, knock-out, drag-out fights (stuff that would destroy a Hollywood marriage in 72 hours), but I think what keeps us going is that we actually like each other, not just love, like. When you like someone, you actually care about making amends. It actually hurts you to see them upset. So many of these couples fly high on the love aspect of things that when they actually fall back down to earth and realize, "Oh, I don't really like you at all." Suddenly, it's over and he's walking out the door with your Robin Thicke CDs.
Look, young bucks, let me break this down to you simply: Marriage is tough. It's supposed to be. Sometimes it even sucks! Sometimes really sucks. But you can't keep treating it like a pair of last year's Jimmy Choo's. Unfashionable, therefore unwearable. The best shoe is the one you've worn in real good. Sure it's got smudges on it and a strange funky smell, but it's yours and it fits. So screw all this irreconcilable differences and complete incompatibility of temperament crap and actually talk to your partner. You might like them if you do.
Pray for me (and them), y'all!
